Read First

Read First: The Last Essay By Joyce, Jnr., The Creator of This Site, Just Before His Untimely Death.

It grieves me deeply to report the sudden death of my best friend, and closest companion since my childhood, the man who designed and composed "Criminalizing Conservatism" under the nom de guerre, "Joyce, Jnr.," due to a sudden attack of what we once called apoplexy, just as he began to compose his initial posting for this site.

Joyce, Jnr. was one of the most honest people I've ever known, and as he intimated in "The Birth of This Blog," he was "a lifetime Republican, solely attentive to all things NFL, and considered a conservative in thought by (his) children and friends." But he had, as we shall see, had seen enough to devote his remaining energies to sharing his shocking discoveries with the world .

I will always believe that the initial shock that my dear friend felt when he first discovered the incriminating evidence of the "vast right wing conspiracy," together with the subsequent frenzied energy that he expended in creating *Criminalizing Conservatism,"drove him to his premature passing.

However: A residuary clause in Joyce's Last Will And Testament named me as his only heir, providing me with a small monthly income, with the astonishing proviso that I should play Plato to his Socrates, "to continue and maintain the web site 'Criminalize Conservatism' in my name and in the spirit and tone required to begin making Conservatism illegal in our country, as we agreed upon during our many discussions together."

Although to me he was the most amiable of men, devout, generous to a fault, and noted by all for his big heart, I must confess that Joyce's overriding outrage over the Conservative criminal behavior and his reaction to the ensuing non compos rhetoric from the microcephalic acolytes that cheered the their leadership on, was often at odds with my own placid personality, genial spirit, and inborn reticence in confronting others - a shyness, of you will - that may also handicap me in replicating Joyce's somewhat harsh "spirit and tone" with exactitude.

"There is no arguing with Johnson; for when his pistol misses fire, he knocks you down with the butt end of it," is an observation by Oliver Goldsmith about his friend Dr. Johnson. And I candidly impute this description to my friend Joyce who, when pushed beyond endurance by political bullying, became enraged beyond endurance.

My own style of discourse, however, may best be described by a passage in Mr. Thurber's *My Life and Hard Times:* "He was a tall, mildly nervous, peaceable gentleman, given to quiet pleasures, and eager that everything should run smoothly."

As Governor Willard Mitt Romney would ask, "Que voulez-vous?"

So respecting my friend's last wishes I shall attempt to carry on his holy mission, communicating his message in his name to the adopted country he loved so much, though I may lack his bitterness and acerbity when presenting the evidence of conservera culpa.

Detailing the monstrous activities of the Conservative conspiracy sub specie aeternitatis is no small undertaking, even as it erupts in brilliant flames in our faces when we examine the smoldering ashes of human history. And with such a daunting task ahead, I confess to wondering if I might overlook any scintilla of good that exists even in the vilest of our fellow creatures when delineating the crimes of the Conservative cartel. Hitler, they say, loved dogs, and Mr. Romney transported his in a sealed container on the roof of his car for 650 miles, sometime before relegating him to the pound(

My plan in fulfilling Joyce's wishes is to " concerned with amassing evidence, evidence that the activities stemming from Conservative philosophy are criminal in every sense of the word, and to broadcast to the world the truth that the *only* way to bring a halt to this conspiracy is to criminalize the criminals."

To this process I shall add from time to time offerings from Joyce's own notes that included his prescient observations of the perpetual Conservative war against the World, a force to be feared more than the bloody barbarian assaults against the very walls of Europe as far back as the Fifth Century.

His spirit standing beside our citizenry like Marius among the ruins of Carthage, I know I speak for Joyce when I opine that he would wish the fruits of his mission to result in stampeding the malefactors in fifty different directions, "'til they melt onto the night whence they had come," thus removing them from the sphere of active influence, if not giving them the hottest hotfoot this side of Hades.

A literate critic might qualify our mission as the pipedream of "a mountebank and his zany," to quote Mr. Walpole, and two voices of protest were we, aged "duffers" with little practical knowledge of expository writing, rules of grammar, co mposition, or style - much less experience with personal computing, a generational phenomenon. But I shall certainly struggle to overcome my own organizational deficiencies, often illustrated by single thoughts spread over multiple paragraphs, and multiple thoughts crammed into single sentences.

A focus of purpose will hopefully overpower my lack of writing skills, and I foresee a bright smile of approvaI from Joyce as I faithfully attempt to continue his good work in his name here on Earth. I pray that when we meet in Heaven, we shall once again enjoy laughing heartily at “the glory, jest, and riddle of the world” and rejoice in sharing many, many toasts to the permanent end to the attack on humanity called Conservatism.

Vade in pace, Joyce. War hero, athlete, and, actor. I fancy that you will have little to regret with your decision to nominate me as your representative in this Homeric battle to "face the foe" - and conquer him.

The Last Essay.

The prologue for a neat syllogism for my dear GOP friends:  The advance of the middle class in the 20th century, due to Roosevelt's anti-Depression programs, created the huge bloc that voted Democratic, in gratitude for raising them out of the economic hole created by Hoover, Coolidge, and other minions of the fat cats who ruled the Gilded Age.  Prior to Hoover's Depression the income-wealth disparity and the deregulation of corporate activities mimicked today's atmosphere - with a mini-Depression that needs just another economic tragedy like the situation in Europe to push us over the cliff once again.

This time the Republicans are *purposely* driving us into another depression, not bringing it about solely through short-term greed, calculating that they can 1. Blame the Democratic Keynesian model for the crash, 2. Eliminate the middle class, and thus their support for the Democratic Party, and 3. Create a permanent Conservative Rule, run by billionaires and aided by Tea "Party" morons and right wing pulpits.

The syllogism:

1. Unions assist the middle class.
2. Republicans hate unions.
3. Republicans do not want to assist the middle class.

To extend the argument to the Republicans' distaste for the poor would be an exercise in redundancy.
This argument, with explanations, for the Uninformed Voter:

1. Union help the middle class. (Graph?) As union membership rose in the 20th century, so did the ranks of the middle class and middle class income; as union membership decreased from Reagan's purge to the present, middle class numbers and middle class income plunged.  Who hasn't seen the continuous stories of former middle class joining the joining the ranks of the homeless, people forced from their jobs by Bain Capital sharks and massive overseas job shifts, while parenthetically the rich have gotten richer and the number of the poor has increased.  Union membership since 1973 has gone from 34% to 8%.

2. Republicans hate unions.  Easily demonstrated by the enactment of the Taft-Hartley Act which weakened the 1935 Wagner Act, "labor's bill of rights," written by old guard Conservatives when the Republican Party won control of both houses of Congress for the first time since 1931 (, to Reagan's destruction of the Professional Aircraft Controllers' Organization, a union who stupidly supported his 1980 candidacy, to the current GOP-organized state-by-state attacks on collective bargaining.  In addition, the Republicans overtly attack unions in the media and in speeches and admit their hate of workers' groups.

3. Republicans hate the middle class.  Q.E.D.  Everything you believed about the Republicans and Conservatives was wrong.  At the age of 82 Thomas Jefferson himself noted:

"Men by their constitutions are naturally divided into two parties: 1.Those who fear and distrust the people, and wish to draw all powers from them into the hands of the higher classes.  2. Those who identify themselves with the people, have confidence in them, cherish and consider them the most honest and safe, although not the most wise depository of public interests. (To this point Jefferson was to 'preach a crusade against ignorance,' stressing the vital importance of education to the survival of democracy - the opposite of the Aristocrats' aim of destroying public education.)  In every country these two parties exist, and in every one where they are free to think, speak, and write, they will declare themselves.  Call them therefore,...Whigs and Tories, Republicans and Federalists, Aristocrats and Democrats, or by whatever name you please, they are the same party still, and pursue the same object...The great object of my fear is the federal judiciary.  That body, like gravity, ever acting with noiseless foot and unalarming advance, gaining ground step by step, and holding what it gains, is engulfing insidiously the special governments into the jaws of that which feeds them."  (Italics mine.)

Simply put, today's GOP is the party that "wish(es) to draw all powers from them into the hands of the higher classes."  Everything else is smoke and mirrors - "limited government and taxes," "States' Rights," "family values," "individual responsibility,"  "strong defense," "balanced budget,"and all the other noise generated to divide the People and further their need for even more wealth, even if stripped from the People.  Conservative leaders couldn't care less about the "right to life" especially if one of their own daughters required an abortion - now.

But the main premise of this blog is that Conservatism is a shelter for a criminal conspiracy of gigantic dimensions, and that these crimes are major crimes that result in murder or theft of people and treasoous or seditious crimes against the polity.  An extremely short list of these crimes include constant war - typlified by the recent Iraq invasion (to please defense contractors who contribute to the Conservative front organization, the Republican Party); voter suppression, intimidation, and theft (Conservative support in the U.S. is too small to win elections without these tactics; naturally - campaign lies are but an adjunct to this electoral evil); the draining of the country's assets through hypocritical calls for balanced budgets (the largest deficits were hallmarks of the Reagan and Bush 43 Administrations); second-hand murder of innocents through lax gun laws (under the ridiculous banner of gun "rights,"); the murder of women (through the blocking of cancer screening by attacks on organizations like Planned Parenthood); the dumbing down of middle class and poor children through gutting public school money and moving it to for-profit charter schools; steering of all wealth to multi-ntional corporations (the support for the high-fructose corn industry has resulted in the surge in obesity for all ages); deliberate policy actions resulting in the malnutrition of our own people (cuts in Foodstamps affect children and adults); tax policies that assist the rich and eliminate help for the poor (Mitt Romney: "I'm not concerned about the very poor."); religious persecution (lives have been ruined by the prevention of abortion rights to women in the military who are victimes of rape), ad infinitum.  Crimes by individual Conservatives are legion, committed overwhelmingly by Republicans compared to the Democratic Party members by the GOP lawmakers, and include - as we shall see - murder, rape, pedophilia, and theft.
So wake up people!  They've pulled the wool over your eyes, lifted your wallets, sent your jobs overseas, and dumbed down your kids.  They must be stopped before it's too late to stop them, and the only way to restore our democratic ideals is to criminalize Conservatism.

Before reading the postings in this blog, newcomers to Criminalize Conservatism would be well advised to peruse the information in the other tabs, especially "The Birth of This Blog," where the now-deceased founder of this site, writing under the pen name "Joyce, Jnr," expounds upon his discovery of the international criminal conspiracy called "Conservatism," and urges us to the need to place these Conservatives on notice by criminalizing their actions.

These essays are purposefully lengthy, and to many the purpose of such prolific prose would seem to be to discourage or confuse the average Conservative of less than generous intelligence.

Nothing could be less truthful.  If we can instruct these followers as well as entertain them, our efforts would be proven to have succeeded; if just one in a thousand rejects the propaganda of their capos, the Limbaughs and O'Reillys, and refuses to support Conservative candidates, Joyce, Jnr's efforts will not have been made in vain; and if two more take a course in Critical Thinking at their local junior college, much civility will be saved in future political discourse - for they are impolite little beggars, after all.

The major purpose of our efforts is to urge the country to criminalize the pernicious policies of Conservatism by making Conservatism illegal, by capturing all branches of the Government, and through the combined efforts of the courts, the legislatures, and the executive branch making all aspects of Conservatism against the law.  Hopefully, Conservatives will soon have reason "to fear and distrust the people," or Jefferson's democracy will be lost forever.


  1. Your position: "Conservatives will soon have reason to fear and distrust the people, or Jefferson's democracy will be lost forever."

    Jefferson's position: "The parties of Whig and Tory are those of nature. They exist in all countries, whether called by these names or by those of Aristocrats and Democrats, Cote Droite and Cote Gauche, Ultras and Radicals, Serviles and Liberals. The sickly, weakly, timid man fears the people, and is a Tory by nature. The healthy, strong and bold cherishes them, and is formed a Whig by nature." --Thomas Jefferson to Lafayette, 1823. ME 15:492

    So... how can you praise "Jefferson's democracy" on the one hand, while arguing against his fundamental argument for a robust two-party system, and "making conservatism illegal" on the other?

    You, kind sir, are the enemy of Jefferson's democracy, not its friend. These are the arguments of Marx or Lenin, not of Jefferson.

  2. Mr. Right, this is the fourth comment that you sent to me in the last 45 minutes, and even though I welcome the opportunity to educate and entertain you, my time is better served elsewhere during the remaining hours of the weekend, and I must insist that you limit your little curiosities to one at a time every week or so - my stomach, while strong, is not made of cast iron and you certainly need the additional time to formulate your thoughts in a more cogent, coherent manner.

    However, to your last Comment, I concede a last response.

    As to your statement on my "position," ("how can you praise 'Jefferson's democracy' on the one hand, while arguing against his fundamental argument for a robust two-party system, and 'making conservatism illegal" on the other?), you misstate my position and have misread the point of the essay. I was quoting Jefferson's understanding of the political history of factions to illustrate that American Conservatism is not a new phenomenon, that great wealth is not conducive to democracy because great wealth wants more, that crafty leaders can brainwash the non-rich people such as yourself to echo their demands for total power and wealth, that they will break every law imaginable to fulfill their dreams and our nightmares.

    Jefferson's distaste for political parties, along with the the Conservative Hamilton's, is well-known; the Constitution makes no mention of a "robust two-party system," much less of parties at all; his belief that Conservative/Royalist/Aristocratic factions deserved credulity was naïve, and undoubtedly would have changed had he seen how Hamilton's heirs have destroyed our democracy in only a little over 200 years. In this, as well as in a few other matters, Jefferson erred.

    With your last name-calling comment, Comrade Right, ("You, kind sir, are the enemy of Jefferson's democracy, not its friend. These are the arguments of Marx or Lenin, not of Jefferson), Rather than dropping their names, I beg you to read Marx and Engels to understand what they said before presuming to compare their thoughts with mine; but hoping that you at least forego the obscure writings of Lenin, who wrote little of note, I bid you adieu for a week. But be forewarned, name-calling is not welcomed here.

  3. Democrats are just as bad, if not worse. When a Republican is in office, the left typically speaks up about these issues. When a Democrat is in office doing the exact same thing as a Republican would do, they suddenly are quiet.

    The gap between the rich and the middle class/poor has grown worse since Obama has been in office, and he and the Democratic leaders are to blame. Leaders bear the blame or they're not really leaders. Until the Democrats can accept responsibility for their own malfeasance, then I have no choice but to blame the Democrats/liberals as much as I do the Republicans/conservatives. Someone who tries to convince me that one side is worse than the others is not worthy of my consideration. All they're doing is telling me they're hacks for their own particular ideology.

  4. Ah me, the fallacy "Hasty Generalization," is the least egregious of the fallacies presented herein, Anonyous. The quick answer to you is that your inability to compare apples and oranges portends a life of ignorance, intolerance, and utter cluelessness unless you mend your ways. As I suggested elsewhere to others of your ilk, a course in Critical Thinking at your local junior college - if you have indeed, reached the age of majority - would be a beginning to start a new life of enlightment, knowledge, and liberal thinking. Good luck on your new improved life, Anonymous!