Tuesday, January 12, 2016

To Save The Country: Conservative Plans Are In The Works Just For You!


Email, texts, and telegrams have continued to pour into our office from outraged Conservatives, claiming that we've kept mum about all the wonderful plans that the Conservatives have on tap to save our country, no matter how much the Other Side criticizes them...


...because the GOP is always on top of the latest ways to stop violence from breaking loose on unwary citizens...


...and they've come up with more great plans than anybody!


Bipartisanship is a watchword around here of course, and we take second place to no one when it comes to analyzing and presenting Conservative promises to all of you - because they're filled with smart, new ideas from top to bottom!


But first a little housework to clean out some of the trash, like these big guys...


...and these little guys too.

And now that that's done, here a few of the many, many plans the Cons have in the works - just for you - starting with this oath by one of the Conservatives' heroes...


...and continuing with passing on of Conservatism's ethical standards on to all of us...


...as well as their plans to protect us from dictatorships...

...and plans to implement gun safety...


...and to prevent avoidable death sentences and bankruptcies...


...and to cut down on big spending...


(Because a penny saved is a penny earned)


...and to touch the emotional heartstrings of every American...


...and here is awesome plan to give credit where credit is due...


...as well as their plan to help us admire political dynasties like they do...


...and their plans to balance the Budget...


...and to come up with new ways to fund our government...


...and to create more new jobs...


...and to improve on the ideas and plans of their predecessors...


...and to wake the country up...


...and to prepare for all future contingencies...


...and to call out when people try to destroy our democracy...


...and finally, to tell the truth no matter what!


Besides those wonderful plans you'll never guess how the Cons are going to implement them for you. Yep, by a certain Conservative process of elimination to replace unnecessary social programs so the rich can get richer - and it's all just for YOU!


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If you've often wondered why the GOP is filled with racists and other kinds of bigots, it's because of their constituency - those WASPs who need someone else to look down upon to make up for their lack of education and financial well being.

Conservatives really have ONE plan for all of us, to rob from the poor and the middle class - and to give to the rich.

Conservatism is anti-democratic, of course.

And therefore it's anti-American too.

Coupled with the tools that any criminal syndicate would be proud of and immune to any guilt feelings about robbing and killing the rest of us, there's only ONE solution to stop this criminal cartel in its tracks.

And that is to...

...criminalize Conservatism!