Monday, May 4, 2015

How To Become A Conservative 101"


Why anyone with any sense of decency - scratch that, any sense - would WANT to be a Conservative is beyond us, but in the spirit of fairness and bipartisanship we present:

How To Become A Conservative 101!

The first thing you must learn is that Conservatism isn't just for smart people like Congressman Louis (The Brain) Gohmert...


...since your public of like-minded people will believe in anything you say...



...even if it's anti-American...



...because you don't have to be smart to be trusted...



You don't even have to study up on history...



''...and if you need proof, here it is!

"Why Liberals Are More Intelligent Than Conservatives."

Political ideology


"Liberals think they’re more intelligent than conservatives because they are.

"Post published by Satoshi Kanazawa on Mar 22, 2010 in The Scientific Fundamentalist.

(Note to future Cons: An IQ score of 100 is average...Your IQ of 94.8 is BELOW average!)

Analyses of large representative samples, from both the United States and the United Kingdom, confirm this prediction.  In both countries, more intelligent children are more likely to grow up to be liberals than less intelligent children.  For example, among the American sample, those who identify themselves as “very liberal” in early adulthood have a mean childhood IQ of 106.4, whereas those who identify themselves as “very conservative” in early adulthood have a mean childhood IQ of 94.8..."

So let's begin your education starting with this disclaimer...



Now then, the other neat thing about wanting to be a Conservative tool is that you don't have to have a rich daddy and mommy...



...because Conservatism has a GREAT heritage!



(Just don't let anyone know what your secret political "urges" are telling you!)

"If Republicans Don’t Want to be Compared to Nazis, They Should Stop Acting Like Nazis."

United States of Christ


"By: Hrafnkell Haraldsson.

"We have witnessed a great deal of conservative madness over the past five years, since Barack Obama was elected president of the United States. Some of us during the intervening years have wondered where it would end. I was one of those who early on began to compare the Religious Right and the Tea Party to the Nazis. It was not a careless or spiteful comparison, but one based on the evidence of their rhetoric and avowed goals. 

"There is a reason I made the above map resemble the Nazi flag.

"It is no accident that the Nazi cry of Germany for the Germans is echoed by the Republican cry of America for Americans. Once upon a time there were “real” Germans and our own time brought us “real” Americans – the obvious consequence of such claims being that everybody else was an interloper, inferior – the 'other.' With a single utterance, people like Sarah Palin, like Hitler before her, was able to delegitimize half of the population. The 'other' become parasites attacking the health of the country. This is a claim made by both Nazis and the Religious Right.

"Of course, that horrified progressives, to say such horrible things..."

But here are some other examples of what Conservatives should do and say from prominent Cons like this guy...



...and another guy - who knows ALL about class warfare.



And of course, you have to learn how to report on current events...


...and study up on Conservative bizness principles...


...making sure that no one is taking away your rights, of course.



Conservatism doesn't take anything away from your leisure time either...


...and if you like tormenting women you're always on the right side of Jesus and God...



...AND you can torment a whole lot of other people besides...



...AND finally after all of this, you can exercise your cherished right to vote for the Party that best reflects your beliefs!



********************

Conservatism is evil, Conservatism is criminal.

And Conservatism is guilty of so many crimes that they had to invent their own special language like "states' rights," "right to live," "death panels," and "individual responsibility" just to make sure that you're keeping your eye on the ball while they steal your golf bag and drive away in the cart that you rented.

Conservatives do nothing any other self-respecting member of a criminal cartel would do, and it's all respectable because they are hiding under the banner of a "political party."

And when all is said and done, it's way past time to...

...criminalize Conservatism.


Joyce, Jnr.


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"Trees cause more pollution than automobiles."

Ronald Reagan.

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