Saturday, April 4, 2015

How To Speak Conservative 101

We reprinted a humorous piece a few years ago called, "The Complete Idiot’s Guide To Speaking Republican," with this leading pic...

...and a few quotes like these...

"- A -

"Abortion: Something far more immoral and tragic than the Death Penalty (see Death Penalty, Fetus, Pro-Life).

"Affirmative Action: The soft bigotry of low expectations. Unfair hiring and college acceptance practices resulting from institutionalized discrimination against white men.

"Activist Judges: Liberal or centrist state and federal judges whose decisions support civil rights, reproductive choice, consumer rights, and corporate accountability. The term does not apply to conservative judges whose decisions undermine civil rights, reproductive choice, consumer rights, and corporate accountability.

...making us wonder, is there a special way of talking like a Conservative, because sometimes they're impossible to understand when they spout off on things like "religious freedom" - like this guy.

"Sen. Ted Cruz Spouts Pure Gibberish While Trying to Defend Legalized Discrimination."


"We’ve heard a lot recently about the continued attempt by many Republicans across the country to push for 'religious freedom' bills which basically allow businesses to discriminate against homosexuals. Many have tried to spin this as nothing more than a stance for 'religious freedom,' but it’s clear to anyone with even a shred of common sense that these laws are aimed at giving businesses the right to refuse their service to gay Americans. The reality is, calling these laws 'religious freedom' really opens the door for anyone to cite religion as a means to discriminate against almost anyone.

"Naturally, Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX) has been a very vocal supporter of these laws. After all, he’s been blatantly pandering to the religious right for years hoping that will help him win the GOP nomination in 2016. Well, during an interview discussing 'religious liberty,' Cruz went off on some sort of religious rant that I can only describe as nothing but pure gibberish. 

"'Nobody in their right mind would force a Catholic priest to perform a Protestant wedding,' Cruz said. 'Likewise, nobody in their right mind would force a Jewish rabbi to perform a Christian wedding or, for that matter, to violate kosher and go consume pork. We have long had a tradition from the beginning of this country of respecting religious liberty and accommodating and respecting the good-faith religious views of our citizens.'

"'And it is only the intolerance of the current day of the far-left that views with which they disagree,' he continued. 'The far-left is such a radical proponent of gay marriage that anyone whose faith teaches to the contrary, anyone whose faith teaches that marriage is a sacrament of one man and one woman, a holy union before God, the far-left views that religious view as unacceptable and they’re trying to use the machinery of the law to crush those religious views. And I think it is wrong, I think it is intolerant, and I think it is entirely inconsistent with who we are as a people...'"

But with Conservativespeak, you just have to follow the money...

...OR the bigotry and hatred.

"Missouri Republicans are trying to ban food stamp recipients from buying steak and seafood."

Image result for republican thieves

"By Roberto A. Ferdman April 3 at 10:58 AM  

"In 2013, Fox News proudly broadcast an interview with a young food stamp recipient who claimed to be using the government benefit to purchase lobster and sushi.

"'This is the way I want to live and I don’t really see anything changing,' Jason Greenslate explained to Fox. 'It’s free food; it’s awesome.'

"That story fit a longtime conservative suspicion that poor people use food stamps to purchase luxury items. Now, a Republican state lawmaker in Missouri is pushing for legislation that would stop people like Greenslate and severely limit what food stamp recipients can buy. The bill being proposed would ban the purchase with food stamps of 'cookies, chips, energy drinks, soft drinks, seafood or steak...'"

Of course, some psychopaths do have their own language...

"Scientific Studies Prove Some Right-Wingers And Rich People Really ARE Psychopaths (VIDEO)."

Scientific Studies Prove Some Right-Wingers And Rich People Really ARE Psychopaths (VIDEO)
Rich right-wing psychopaths - Composite image by Elisabeth Parker: Sarah Palin/About.Com/Political Humor; Zombie John McCain/KnowYourMeme; Mitch McConnell/cc 2014 Gage Skidmore; John Boehner/Political Memes; Donald Trump/cc 2011 Gage Skidmore; Daily Kos‘ Angry Mitt Romney Photoshop Template.
"Since we often casually refer to rich, right-wingers — like Mitt Romney, Donald Trump, the Koch brothers John McCain, and Sarah Palin — as 'psychopaths' because they’re mean and… well… psycho, let’s first talk about what a 'psychopath' really is. The psychopath can have a variety of destructive and antisocial traits, but they always have one thing in common: Lack of empathy, and lack of remorse for the harm they cause. defines the word as:
"A person with a psychopathic personality, which manifests as amoral and antisocial behavior, lack of ability to love or establish meaningful personal relationships, extreme egocentricity, failure to learn from experience, etc. […] Also called sociopath: a person afflicted with a personality disorder characterized by a tendency to commit antisocial and sometimes violent acts and a failure to feel guilt for such acts"

"Furthermore, there’s a particular type of psychopath who shows what is referred to as the 'Dark Triad' of negative traits: Narcissism (a big ego), Machiavellianism (will do anything to get ahead, no matter how evil), and basic psychopathy. Because, seriously, there’s no other possible explanation for how right-wingers can deport children, cut food stamps, destroy our natural resources, deny couples the right to marry, force women to bear children against their will, and expect millions of their fellow Americans to work for slave wages, and still sleep at night..."

And Conservatives have a hard time with the word "discrimination..."

...because of all those syllables and stuff.

And the Cons always have a hard time substituting "trickle-down" for "supply side..."

...because you'll just get confused when they talk about things like "cutting taxes."

And the Cons also seem to have a speech impediment when they talk about the U.S. as a "Christian nation."

But the truth is that there's no problem deciphering Conservativeese at all - EVERYTHING  they say is a lie... "health care..."

...and "budget..."

...and "diplomacy..."

...which takes us back to our original Conservative phrase, "religious freedom."


There's a reason why it's hard to understand the Conservatives.

It's because they don't really want you to know the real reason for their existence - it's to help their rich patrons.

When they mouth platitudes about "religious freedom" it means that they're trolling for the votes from all the bigots among us.

And when they talk about "cutting taxes," it's about cutting taxes for the rich, not for you.

To hell with their code words and secret language - Isn't it WAY past time to criminalize Conservatism?

Joyce, Jnr.


"Today’s so-called ‘conservatives’ don’t even know what the word means. They
think I’ve turned liberal because I believe a woman has a right to an abortion.
That’s a decision that’s up to the pregnant woman, not up to the pope or some
do-gooders or the Religious Right. It’s not a conservative issue at all."

Barry Goldwater.