Hey, Right Wingers! Why Weren't You In Church Last Sunday?

Captive to the antics of the Conservative Christians, we often wonder what they hear in their churches these days when they're filled with the Holy Spirit and all that...WHOA!

"Americans lie about how much they go to church, even if they don’t belong to one."

(Photo by Flickr user khrawlings, used under a Creative Commons license)

"There are but three certainties in American life: death, taxes and fibbing about how often you go to church. That last item comes via a new Public Religion Research Institute survey (brilliantly titled "I Know What You Did Last Sunday"), which found that Americans significantly overstate their church attendance to pollsters.

"Most polling happens via interviews over the phone, and when we talk to complete strangers we have a tendency to tell them what we think they want to hear. Pollsters have long suspected that this dynamic has been in play with measures of religiosity in the United States, so PRRI decided to test it out. They administered the same survey questions to two groups of people: one group was asked via a traditional telephone survey, while another took the survey online.


"Less than one-third of phone respondents (30 percent) admitted to attending religious services seldom or never. But online, freed from the normative pressures of interacting with another human being, 43 percent of respondents said they seldom or never went to church. Similarly, online respondents were less likely to say they went to church weekly or occasionally than were phone respondents..."

Can this be true?  They're getting the message they want to hear...

"Mike Huckabee Claims Obama ‘acting like God’ and ‘worthy of impeachment’ (Audio)."

Mike Huckabee Photo Credit: Gage Skidmore / Flickr License: Creative Commons 

"Mike Huckabee went on the Iowa-based talk show hosted by Steve Deace, where he made a statement saying that President Obama has done 'things worthy of impeachment.' He also made a statement implying that President Obama was 'acting like God.'


"Steve Deace asks Huckabee, 'Has [President Obama] done anything worth being impeached for, in your view?' Huckabee responds saying, 'Absolutely, There’s no doubt that he has done plenty of things worthy of impeachment. The fact is though, we don’t have the senate, so, of you impeached him in the house and it went  to trial in the senate, it would never even get to the board, [be]cause, Harry Reid has been sitting on 357 pieces of legislation passed through  the House republicans...'"

After all, with tongue in cheek, Jesus was a Conservative!



And the messages the Conservative Christians hear every Sunday is so touching and spiritual...

"Christian Radio Host: 'Ebola Could Solve America’s Problems with Atheism and Homosexuality.'"



"End Times whackjob Rick Wiles isn’t known for looking on the bright side of things – being dour is expected when you’re trying (and failing) to predict the end of the world — but he offered a 'promising' silver lining to the recent Ebola outbreak.

"Well, 'promising' in the sense that it’d make the sociopaths in the Religious Right happy.
Wiles believes an outbreak of Ebola in the United States could be a good thing — providing it ends up giving an 'attitude adjustment' to all the gays and atheists, along with people who use explicit adult materials or have had an abortion..."

Do the Creationists skip church because they're figured out the meaning of life?

"Creationists Think This (Clearly Photoshopped) Picture Of A Cow Proves Evolution Is A Lie."



"In the latest version of 'Checkmate, atheists!,' the Christian internet world is having a field day with a picture that features a cow who’s spots look like a map of the world. Somehow it is implied that this proves that evolution is a lie and 'Darwinists' should feel pretty stupid.

"Under the very excellent title 'Don’t Have a Cow, Man!,' website Creation Moments posted a little story about a special cow that has an exact rendition of a map of the world in its spots..."

But not to worry...



Unless...



Or unless...



But in the end, church goers feel good about their place in the universe.

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But we kid the Conservative Christians - how else can we show them what they're missing?  When logic fails and evidence mounts up that religion hurts rather than helps the Conservative Christians roll merrily along, Bible in hand (though they've never had the time to read it all the way through).

We don't recommend criminalizing Christianity but criminalizing Conservatism might send people back to church for spiritual rather than political reasons, for lessons in love instead of hate, and for the message of their founder - Do Unto Others As You Would Have Them Do Unto You.

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"And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in
the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by men. I tell you the truth,
they have received their reward in full. But when you pray, go into your room, close
the door and pray to your father, who is unseen. Then your father, who sees what is
done in secret, will reward you."


(Matthew 6:5-7.)

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