Saturday, June 8, 2013

33 Quotes About Conservatives To Make Them Crazy

Left-wing Trolling on right-wing forums and  Facebook sites is a sublime activity that can be a useful exercise for non-Conservatives to while away their off-hours, and something the Conservative Sheeplets are absolutely no good at  (See our popular post from last year, "The Proud And The Profane" -- (

While the giants of the trolling trade lay waste to the poor Sheeplets, we have amended the warfare by pretending to be a possible convert to the Conservative Cause, an "Independent" who is obviously young, sometimes female, and always a little on the dim side -- to fit in.  And boy, do they try to persuade you to come over to their side.

And a posting like "33 Quotes About Conservatives/ Republicans That Liberals Should Know About," compiled by Stephen D. Foster, Jr. at is just the ticket.  When asking a Sheeplet in one of their forums, "But why did a great justice like Clarence Thomas say, 'Even as someone who’s labeled a conservative – I’m a Republican, I’m black, I’m heading up this organization in the Reagan administration – I can say that conservatives don’t exactly break their necks to tell blacks that they’re welcome?'  I don't understand!"

And then the fun starts.

Or, the would-be proselytee may ask, "Why did H. L. Mencken say 'In this world of sin and sorrow there is always something to be thankful for; as for me, I rejoice that I am not a Republican?' Didn't he hate the ultra liberal Roosevelts?

The long pause while the Sheeplets scurry to Google to find out who Mencken was give you time to sign off with a feeling of Schadenfreude that brings light beams to the soul.

So without further ado, the 33 quotes:

"We all know what conservatives/Republicans are like. It’s just unfortunate that they don’t know it themselves. And if they do, that’s just sad. Many things have been said about conservatives, Republicans, and conservatism. Most of it, of course, is bad but true. Humorists, politicians, writers, journalists, comedians, and even US Presidents have left us with many quotes about the right wing. Here are just 33 of them. If you’re a liberal, these are well worth book marking. If you’re a conservative, the truth hurts, doesn’t it?

1. “Today’s so-called ‘conservatives’ don’t even know what the word means. They think I’ve turned liberal because I believe a woman has a right to an abortion. That’s a decision that’s up to the pregnant woman, not up to the pope or some do-gooders or the Religious Right. It’s not a conservative issue at all.”
~Barry Goldwater, Jr.

A parody of the slogan, "In your heart, you know he's right."

2. “I cannot help fearing that men may reach a point where they look on every new theory as a danger, every innovation as a toilsome trouble, every social advance as a first step toward revolution, and that they may absolutely refuse to move at all.”
~Alexis de Tocqueville

3. “Conservatism is the blind and fear-filled worship of dead radicals.”
~Mark Twain

4. “Conservatism discards Prescription, shrinks from Principle, disavows Progress; having rejected all respect for antiquity, it offers no redress for the present, and makes no preparation for the future.”
~Benjamin Disraeli

5. “Have you ever wondered why Republicans are so interested in encouraging people to volunteer in their communities? It’s because volunteers work for no pay. Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time.”
~George Carlin

6. “Republicans approve of the American farmer, but they are willing to help him go broke. They stand four-square for the American home–but not for housing. They are strong for labor–but they are stronger for restricting labor’s rights. They favor minimum wage–the smaller the minimum wage the better. They endorse educational opportunity for all–but they won’t spend money for teachers or for schools. They think modern medical care and hospitals are fine–for people who can afford them. They consider electrical power a great blessing–but only when the private power companies get their rake-off. They think American standard of living is a fine thing–so long as it doesn’t spread to all the people. And they admire of Government of the United States so much that they would like to buy it.”
~Harry S. Truman

7. “Republicans are men of narrow vision, who are afraid of the future.”
~Jimmy Carter

8. “Latins for Republicans – it’s like roaches for Raid.”
~John Leguizamo

9. “A conservative is a man with two perfectly good legs who, however, has never learned to walk forward.”
~Franklin D. Roosevelt

10. “A conservative is a man who just sits and thinks, mostly sits.”
~Woodrow Wilson

11. “I like that about the Republicans; the evidence does not faze them, they are not bothered at all by the facts.”
~Bill Clinton

12. “A conservative is someone who makes no changes and consults his grandmother when in doubt.”
~Woodrow Wilson

Whew, I'm glad we settled that question for all time!

13. “A Conservative Government is an organized hypocrisy.”
~Benjamin Disraeli

14. “A Conservative is a fellow who is standing athwart history yelling ‘Stop!’.”
~William F. Buckley, Jr.

15. “Although it is not true that all conservatives are stupid people, it is true that most stupid people are conservative.”
~John Stuart Mill

16. “Even as someone who’s labeled a conservative – I’m a Republican, I’m black, I’m heading up this organization in the Reagan administration – I can say that conservatives don’t exactly break their necks to tell blacks that they’re welcome.”
~Clarence Thomas

17. “In the United States I have always believed that there was a big difference between Conservative and stupid. Boy is it getting harder to prove that one by the minute.”
~Rick Mercer

18. “The modern conservative is engaged in one of man’s oldest exercises in moral philosophy; that is, the search for a superior moral justification for selfishness.”
~John Kenneth Galbraith

19. “When a nation’s young men are conservative, its funeral bell is already rung.”
~Henry Ward Beecher

20. “I wonder how many times you have to be hit on the head before you find out who’s hitting you? It’s about time that the people of America realized what the Republicans have been doing to them.”
~Harry Truman

21. “In this world of sin and sorrow there is always something to be thankful for; as for me, I rejoice that I am not a Republican.”
~H. L. Mencken

22. “A conservative is one who admires radicals centuries after they’re dead.”
~Leo Rosten

23. “Conservatives define themselves in terms of what they oppose.”
~George Will

24. “The Republicans are looking after the financial interests of the wealthiest individuals in this country.”
~Edward Kennedy

25. “Liberalism is trust of the people tempered by prudence. Conservatism is distrust of the people tempered by fear.”
~William E. Gladstone

26. “Republicans don’t like people who talk about depressions. You can hardly blame them for that. You remember the old saying: Don’t talk about rope in the house where somebody has been hanged.”
~Harry Truman

27. “You have to have been a Republican to know how good it is to be a Democrat.”
~Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis

28. “Brains, you know, are suspect in the Republican Party.”
~Walter J. Lippmann

29. “Herbert Hoover once ran on the slogan, 'Two cars in every garage'. Apparently, the Republican candidate this year is running on the slogan, 'Two families in every garage.'
~Harry Truman

30. “Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a Republican. But I repeat myself.”
~Harry Truman

31. “Democrats legislate; Republicans investigate.”
~Lyndon Johnson

32. “A gathering of Democrats is more sweaty, disorderly, offhand, and rowdy than a gathering of Republicans; it is also likely to be more cheerful, imaginative, tolerant of dissent, and skillful at the game of give-and-take. A gathering of Republicans is more respectable, sober, purposeful, and businesslike than a gathering of Democrats; it is also likely to be more self-righteous, pompous, cut-and-dried, and just plain boring.”
~Clinton Rossiter

33. “The Democrats are the party that says government will make you smarter, taller, richer, and remove the crabgrass on your lawn. The Republicans are the party that says government doesn’t work and then get elected and prove it.”
~P.J. O’Rourke

"The typical conservative is one who opposes all progress. They are paranoid, enjoy using fear to control others, and in most cases have no clue what they are talking about. They hate facts, hate government, and do not believe in contributing to society. Conservatives cling to the failed policies and traditions of the past and are willing to use the threat of violence at times to return to them. Many of these quotes were meant to be funny, but it turns out the humorous quotes were quite accurate. The rest of the quotes were just bluntly truthful. In the spirit of this list, however, I’d like to add a quote of my own that describes today’s conservatives to a tee.

"Conservatives remind me of Yosemite Sam, Wile E. Coyote, and Elmer Fudd. They bring the guns, the stupidity, and of course, the failure.

"Sorry conservatives, it had to be said."

It did need to be said, and we should repeat that when Conservatism is outlawed, we need to try to gather funds from the assets of convicted Conservative leaders to create hundreds of reeducation camps to help rehabilitate the Sheeplets.  In most cases their stupidity is genetic, it's fun to tease them, some of them love their mothers, and nearly all of them were cute when they were babies.


"Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon"
Woody Allen